The Lives I’ll Never Know
I have always been fascinated by the passing of people; watching strangers live a different life than the one you know. My mom and I could sit for hours and “watch the world go by,” as she says. The guy at the airport who is frantically running to his gate in an attempt to catch his already-boarding flight, or the woman perched on a park bench, bobbing her head to the music streaming through her earbuds.
Sometimes we make up our own stories for people. He doesn't want to miss his flight because he can’t spend another hour away from his loved ones at home. She’s listening to her favorite playlist, trying to stay optimistic even though she just got laid off from her job. I love wondering what fills their days: what they look forward to, what makes them laugh, who they rush home to.
Whether in a cafe, at the airport, on a park bench, I find that there is quiet comfort in being still and observing the world move in different measures around you. I always think to myself, “Where are all of these people going? How do they have so much to do?” It’s an unoriginal thought, but it’s one that always stays consistent. There is one word that lingers with me as I notice people: sonder.
Sonder - “The profound realization that every random passerby has a life as vivid and complex as your own, complete with their own ambitions, routines, and worries.” (Koenig, The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows)
We often find ourselves lost in the complications of our own lives and fail to remember that the world does not revolve solely around us. It reminds me that while I’m worrying about the details of my own life, millions of others are doing the same, all at once. I think about the battles I don't have to fight, the accomplishments I’ll never celebrate, the ordinary days that belong to someone else. I have my own, of course – battles, accomplishments, ordinary days, but I will never know theirs. And sometimes, it’s reassuring that while I’ll never know their stories, we all share these same passing moments under the same sky, with the common need and want to keep going.
I am often stuck thinking about this one moment I had while wandering Washington Square Park in Manhattan. It was warm and bright, the grass green and full. Branches created pockets of shade where people were setting up picnic blankets to enjoy a summery Saturday in the city. One woman lies on a blanket, reading a book. A couple walks past her, holding hands with their chins tilted upward, looking around at the towering skyscrapers. All these passing strangers, and for a sliver of time, their worlds overlap. This moment reminded me that even in a city of millions, people are connected. Even if it’s just sharing the same patch of shade in the grass.
Watching individual windows light up inside a building, knowing each one holds a different story, never makes me feel alone. Instead, it reminds me that we each play a small part in something much larger than ourselves. Millions of separate lives sharing the same air, and sometimes, the same thoughts.
I wonder how many people have looked at me in passing and thought, “I wonder where she’s going.” Maybe they’ve even made up a story about my life, too. That thought makes me smile.
Next time you are caught up in your own world, stressed about an upcoming exam or maybe something more significant, take a step back, slow down, and put it all into perspective. Look around to notice the older man picking out the perfect bouquet of flowers for his wife, the younger boy throwing a ball for his childhood dog to retrieve, or the girl reading her favorite book for the third time.
While you're doing that, someone might be noticing you! They might be curious to know what your life looks like, not knowing all the good, or all the bad. The world keeps moving, with people rushing to make flights and listening to favorite playlists, but it isn't lonely. Watching the world so full of life reminds me to think about the many friendships, traditions, and memories of these strangers. It’s human, and it just makes me that much more curious about the lives I’ll never know.
Sources:
sonder
Bridget Newman is a fourth-year Journalism major and a Planning, Public Policy, and Management minor. She is passionate about storytelling, creative writing, and media design.
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bnewman4/