Social Media: The More We Share, The Less We Feel
We’ve all done it before. We’ve all looked at the restaurant’s menu prior to going, perused a new coffee shop's menu to see what drinks sound tasty, same with stalking our peers on social media prior to meeting them. We are all guilty of those ventures, but at what cost? All to see what looks best, what doesn't, what seems worth it, and what will make the best picture for our Instagram stories.
Exactly at that moment, the meal, the interaction, the basic objects of routine become a way of acting ostentatiously, instead of savoring the experience naturally. Our motives and ways of life on social media platforms act the same way as the pre-visit menu glance does, constantly curating and comparing things that we haven’t even experienced yet.
In the monologue sampled in Mac Miller’s song, “Soulmate”, which comes from Robin Williams in the 1997 film Good Will Hunting, he says, “You're always afraid to take the first step, because all you see is every negative thing ten miles down the road”. The general pursuit of happiness through our everyday activities is lost through the existence and usage of social media, as it replaces the authenticity that is present in our everyday lives. With this practice, our desires are fulfilled before having tried something new, met someone new, or experienced new things in general, due to the satisfaction we receive through social media.
The instant gratification that social media gives us replaces the importance of patience. It conditions us to immediately expect to be seen by hundreds, even thousands of people, and to immediately receive hundreds of likes, comments, reshares, etc. Social media essentially acts as a highlight reel of our lives that showcases the cool vacations we go on, the good eats, the new hobbies we pick up, the cool friends – in essence what makes us, us! But what isn’t being shown is that big family blowout on the vacation, thinking the food tasted awful but sharing it anyway, the mistakes that come with trying a new hobby, the endless gossip of that one friend group. But the constant viewing of other people's “highlight reel” shifts our focus from our own happiness onto the negatives and makes us ask ourselves, “Is what I’m doing not good enough?” or “Is my life and what I am surrounded by significant compared to this?”.
The saying “comparison is the thief of all joy” is essential to understanding the negative sides of social media and how, although social media was not intended to disrupt our happiness, it does. Within social media, the line between authenticity and performance is heavily blurred, as social media prefers curation over honesty. From my personal experience, certain photos that I love, like a family meetup at Rennie’s, my new collage in my dorm, or a cool piece of art that I came across, I have steered away from posting. Simply based on the reception of that post through the eyes of my followers. At what price do we allow social media to rob us of the authenticity of our work on these platforms?
When our social identities become performative or attention-saving, we lose touch with the genuine self-fulfillment that grows from individuality. Approximately 90% of U.S. adults aged 18-24 use social media, and to make matters worse, 95% of people aged 16 to 24 years old own a smartphone and check it on average every 12 minutes. Again, social media plays a large role in disrupting our levels of patience and our appreciation of the little things in life. The instant “like” of an Instagram post rewards our brains quicker than ever and erases the significant satisfaction that comes with waiting for growth.
Self-esteem also plays a large role in the negative effects of social media. Recent studies show that the increase in usage across social media platforms directly correlates with higher levels of anxiety, depression, and loneliness. Our minds at a young age were not meant to see on Snapchat who’s hanging out without us, the concerts people won’t stop posting on Instagram, and the perfectly crafted photo dumps that make us deeply reflect within ourselves. We lose genuine connections with every interaction on social media. It lacks personality, depth, and vulnerability, and creates the illusion of a deep connection. When in reality, there isn't one.
Our awareness of the negative aspects of social media gives control to users. When we, as consumers, understand how these platforms shape us and make us feel, we can decide how we want to interact and engage, instead of giving these echo-chambers of negativity the power. The trading of human connection for digital interactions only undermines the pursuit of our real happiness, and when we trade those out with each other, we hold space for the genuine experiences that are meant to grow within ourselves. When we stop measuring our value and lives through screens and through the experiences of others, we find satisfaction in our everyday tasks, even the mundane ones, like office hours or Trader Joe’s not having the food you wanted. Recognizing the patterns present in social media lets us invest our time into things that truly matter beyond the realm of social media, like the aspects of life that give us meaning. It isn’t about cutting out social media; it is about understanding what it takes away from us without us even noticing, like our happiness. In the end, it’s about learning to find love in what we cultivate, not in what we curate.