Freedom or Loneliness?

In a world that seems to be infatuated by the hustle and bustle culture, we can often get caught up in the secondary emotions that come with it. It can be so subconscious you never realize it's there, or so big it consumes your entire mental periphery. The emotion that I am referencing is loneliness– and ultimately, is it really a thing? 

I found myself thinking of my life in retrospect. I’ve been lucky enough to have been coddled with care since the day I was born. My relationships were curated for me and the person I was expected to be was all I knew. There was little room for me to differentiate the utter urge to be free because all I knew was all I had. 

However, I picked my nurtured self up and moved across the country. I think the decision spouted from spite and a desire to prove to myself that I was capable of much more. Regardless of the reason, I was alone – or what I had thought alone was. I went to a new place that had no prior constraints on who I would become. During this move I felt scared, and I was constantly reminded of the hustle bustle culture. Everyone around me was trying to prove to someone that they were the person they wanted to be – including me. 

It’s been three years since that move, and that girl who perceived she was alone would realize that even in times of loneliness, she was never truly alone. No matter the miles or relations, someone was always going to root for me. When I think of myself evolving as a person, I think of the relations that led me here. My 7th grade self misses her best friend who would eat cosmic brownies and watch Property Brothers. That girl saved her in a time of need. Although we haven't spoken in years, that love remains, serving as another reminder that I will never be truly alone. The boy that I thought I would marry but broke my heart proved to me that in times of pain comes true strength. And when the ultimate heartbreak prevails, the lessons and love will show you that loneliness is a misunderstanding rather than a state of being. 

When I feel alone, it's often because I feel misunderstood. It’s the gut wrenching sensation of feeling as if nobody can truly grasp what you are enduring, as if your emotions are invalid. I tend to feel this when I am going through a deep personal experience – one that alters the person I used to be. There aren't enough words to express the constant change that we go through as humans. Each situation will form parts of our heart whether it is subconscious or desired. People come into our lives to teach us things. 

For the rest of our lives in the hustle bustle culture, the only thing that remains still is you. The love that has taught you lessons, the love that has broken your heart, and the stable love that fills your heart is your reminder that no matter where you are or what happens, you will never truly be alone.